By THE RAW INTELLIGENCE Editorial Board
For President : VOTE FOR WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. This is the one spot on the ballot that’s received more than enough attention. If you’re still undecided, please leave it blank. THE RAW INTELLIGENCE editorial board believes that change in this country will have to start not with the executive branch, but with the legislative. Congress spent the last eight years — two of which under Democratic rule — turning what was supposed to be a system of “checks and balances” into a system of “sucks and swallows.” Congress — the Senate in particular — needs to grow a new spine (stem cells?) or our government will never be healthy again. This will be an ongoing theme here on THE RAW INTELLIGENCE. Remember that Nov. 4 is the end of something big and the start of something huge.
California Statewide Propositions:
Proposition 1A: WE STRONGLY ENDORSE PROP 1A
This is a bond to pay for a high-speed train to L.A. to San Francisco. You may be thinking, “How fucking often to I go from LA to San Francisco? Who put this on the ballot, the Bureau for Gay Sex Tourism?” But I say it’s a good idea because it’s gonna pay for itself, and who knows, maybe you WILL start doing regular trips up and down the state. The train is FUN, man. Go down to the bar car on the Amtrak and you will meet some serious “journey is the destination” type of people…good people. Trains are also extremely comfortable, especially considering you can bring whatever the hell you want on board and then use whatever the hell it is in the downstairs bathrooms. THE RAW INTELLIGENCE editorial board believes that an expansion in public transportation will be an essential part of any plan to save our planet and our collective sanity. This high-speed rail line is a great start. Heh heh. We said “high-speed rail.”
Proposition 2: AHHHH…FUCK. WE TENTATIVELY OPPOSE PROP 2
It’s fucked up. Chickens are smashed into tiny cages and the ones on top shit on the ones on bottom. That’s not cool. This measure is supposed to stop that practice, but it won’t. The measure would outlaw the PRODUCTION of eggs using these methods in Cali, but not the SALE. And that’s where it’s fucked. Because grocers aren’t going to suddenly decide they’re willing to spend 20% more to stock Cali eggs, the end result will be the end of the egg business in Cali, while the shelves will be stocked with eggs from other states or Mexico where the chickens are still smashed into tiny cages and shitting on each other. If this bill was about the SALE of eggs produced under such conditions, we Californians would be faced with an actual choice: Are we willing to pay more for eggs in exchange for knowing that the chickens did not suffer? But as it is, there’s no real choice here. This is just the Humane Society of the United States trying to chalk up a symbolic victory to put on its next fundraising pamphlet. Still, there’s something to be said for symbolic victories, and California should be out front on things like this. But we think it’s the wrong time economically to chase an entire industry out of the state.
Proposition 3: WE ENDORSE PROP 3
This is a bond to improve children’s hospitals. Children good. Hospitals good. Just put in on the card and we’ll pay for it later. It’s the American way.
Proposition 4: WE STRONGLY OPPOSE PROP 4
Ahhh, abortion. Ay ay ay. This prop here — which would require minors to inform their parents before having an abortion — is just another front in the bigger battle. We oppose it because, looking at it pragmatically, the end result of this is going to be more girls who are afraid of their parents heading off for illegal abortions, the thought of which just makes us cringe and grasp at our chests with little Tyrannosaurus Rex arms.
But how about abortion, huh? THE RAW INTELLIGENCE cannot understand how this has become the foremost “wedge” issue in the country. On one side, the people who just can’t handle living in a world where women are allowed to quickly remove an organism growing inside their body that has miniscule sensory capability and has a one-in-three chance of dying on its own before ever seeing the light of day. On the other, the people who can’t imagine a world where women aren’t allowed to have doctors reach inside their bodies and kill a growing human being. Seems like a close call to us. Amazing how many people have chosen this as the issue that defines them above all others. Anyway, on to Prop 5!
Proposition 5: WE STRONGLY OPPOSE PROP 5
This one is all about treating drug addiction as a disease rather than a crime, something requiring treatment rather than punishment. Sounds reasonable, sounds like something a lot of smart people have been advocating for a long time…but this prop goes waaaaaay too far. This would create a system in which drug addiction becomes a virtual get-out-of-jail-free card, which may sound fun to some of you. Then some junkie breaks into your house, says he was doing it to feed his addiction, gets placed in a voluntary treatment plan, quits, and comes back to jack all the stuff he missed the first time.
Proposition 6: WE OPPOSE PROP 6
Automated spending — which is what happens when our state government writes into law that we will spend THIS much on THIS issue over THIS many years — is what got our state into its current budget situation, which nine out of ten economists describe as “fucked,” with the tenth countering that the budget is simply “cocked.” But that’s what Prop 6 is, automated spending to counter gang crime, without any tax increase to pay for it, meaning the money will likely come from cutting social programs that keep lots of kids out of gangs in the first place. And yes, I did steal that last bit almost verbatim from the Los Angeles Times. Blogging is Fun!
Proposition 7: WE STRONGLY OPPOSE PROP 7
Some douchebag once said, “The devil is in the details,” and boy was he right. The details on Prop 7 are some little rascals. This is supposed to set big new mandates on how much energy our state gets from renewable sources. Sounds great, but how about those details. First, such a mandate already exists for investor-owned utilities. Second, the prop is written in such a cocked manner that it excludes small renewable plants that generate less than 30 megawatts of power from counting toward the goals. These small plants — which are often just homes or small businesses that go solar on their own and then sell surplus power back to the utilities — are the ones currently leading the charge on solar. This prop would take away the incentive to work with them. Just look at who opposes this bill…in a word, everyfuckinbody. The Natural Resources Defense Council and the CA Chamber of Commerce both agree on it, and the last time they agreed on something was….um….
Proposition 8: WE STRONGLY OPPOSE PROP 8
Protect marriage! Protect it from people who want to get married! Um, what? This prop to take away the right of same-sex couples to marry is backed mostly by Christians and old people. First of all, Christians — what are you tripping on? Okay, the Bible says “when a man lays with a man as he lays with a woman he has committed an abomination.” Okay. The Bible was written thousands of years ago. In Hebrew. It was then translated. The same word that was translated to “abomination” was also used to describe the practice of eating pork, suggesting that it was a much milder word originally, something closer to “inappropriate” or “unclean.” But you don’t see too many Christians out there crusading against hot dogs, do you? THE RAW INTELLIGENCE suspects that the Christian aversion to homosexuality arose in a time when the religions of the world were in intense competition, literally fighting over people in an effort to dominate the globe. They needed baby-makers and the gays were not helping. Before Christianity’s rise, being gay wasn’t no thing. There were so many dicks swinging up against beards in ancient Greece, the word “faggos” was directed at men who DIDN’T have their own personal cock-boy.
Homosexuality is a natural state of being. It is not an abomination. It is not something someone came up with for fun, or to be cool or weird.
This is California. We are cool to people here. We are tolerant of people here. Be Cool. Vote no on 8.
Proposition 9: WE OPPOSE PROP 9
But we don’t really feel like writing about it. We really just wanted to get to 8. Prop 9 is all about creating a “victim’s bill of rights” when it comes to crime, but it seems a little weird to us. A little vendetta-ish. Yep, that’s a word now. Blogging rules.
Proposition 10: WE STRONGLY OPPOSE PROP 10
This is a fat fuck Texas oil billionaire named T. Boone Pickens — yes, T. Boone Pickens — trying to steal money from California under the banner of “helping the environment.” The only environment it’s going to help is T. Boone’s environment, probably to place golden piping under the golden toilets he already has in his many, many homes. On another note, how about the little girl holding the flower in the ads in favor of this prop? She is fucking ugly.
Proposition 11: WE STRONGLY ENDORSE PROP 11
This is all about redistricting reform. Redistricting is when legislators look at the map and say, “Hey, a bunch of people from my party live here, here, and here, but not so much here. Wouldn’t it be great if my district only included people from my party?” Then the two parties get together and redraw the boundaries and the result is that the map of districts in the states is a lot less, shall we say geometrical, and a lot more like a fucking Jackson Pollack painting. Here’s how you know the current redistricting system is fucked: It’s the one and only thing the two parties in our state legislature agree on and work together on year after year. They set it up so that legislature seats never change party hands, so they can worry less about losing their jobs and worry more about not overdosing on the pile of blow their favorite lobbyist just sent over. This bill puts redistricting in the hands of a small commission that will have a mandate to create districts that make sense for the state, not just for the politicians.
Proposition 12: WE ENDORSE PROP 12
This is a bond that helps veterans buy homes. Veterans fucking rule! Put it on the card. We’ll pay for it later.
LOCAL LA MEASURES
Measure A: OPPOSE
Measure B: ENDORSE
Measure J: ENDORSE
Measure Q: OPPOSE
Measure R: STRONGLY ENDORSE
Measure U: ENDORSE
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