Spending Money to Get Out of Debt — TRI Staff Roundtable

The Big Man, the 'Bammer, the Big O, the Head President In Charge got up and laid it down tonight. We at the Raw Intelligence really enjoyed his press conference. It's still such a bizarre experience watching Obama speak. The long pauses he sometimes takes, especially... It's like he's stopping to think or something. Weird.
Anyway, we're sure you've noticed that we really haven't had a damned thing to say about the economy, the Wall Street bailout, the proposed stimulus package, any of that awful bullshit. Well, what is there to say really? Rich fucks in New York and Washington fucking fucked us, and now we’re all fucked. And since the rich fucks are the only ones in the country with savings accounts anymore, they’re the only ones who will ride through this crisis without sustaining any major wounds…in fact, they’re probably having a great time with all the low prices out there right now on everything from real estate to airfare to hookers.
Anyway, we don’t have any economists on staff here at TRI, but we do have a couple folks (whoa…latent Bushism) who have dealt with debt. And in our staff roundtable, we found the Republicans’ recent claim that “you don’t spend money to get out of debt” to be patently ridiculous.

-- Kerwin Skill, TRI sports editor, noted that when he was facing mounting credit card debt, he called a consolidation company to get the monthly payments under control. This company charged Mr. Skil a fee.
-- Lazlo Krew, TRI entertainment editor, remembers owing a substantial amount of money to his local bookie. Mr. Krew hired a local street tough to kill the bookie, costing him several hundred dollars.
-- Artemis Crowntree, TRI training editor, once found himself nearly destitute after a “can’t-miss” stock went bottoms-up. He got back on his feet by starting a business in which he took groups on tours of beer breweries. He first had to incur the startup costs of purchasing a van and paying local police to ignore the underage drinking that took place on the tours.
-- Destiny Winterfrosty, TRI news editor, fell thousands of dollars in debt as a result of a failed business venture. She rebounded by selling cocaine at the bar down the street from her house. This enterprise required that she first purchase a large quantity of cocaine at a discounted bulk price.

So there you have it. The Raw Intelligence staff has spoken — you CAN get out of debt by spending money. Many other staffers, including the Editor and Publisher, had similar stories, but they were edited out due to questionable content.