Media Misidentifies Phelps Bong as "Pipe"; Man Smokes Pot, Cereal Disappears

Raw Intelligence Staff Reports

Media Misidentifies Phelps Bong as “Pipe”
The staff here at The Raw Intelligence has been traumatized, as has most of America, by the recent events surrounding Michael Phelps’ cannabis usage.
In a nation where our president (Barack Obama), greatest athlete (Phelps), greatest musician (78-way tie involving Bob Dylan and others), greatest movie character (Jeff Lebowski) and most trusted neighbor (Canada) are all acknowledged cannabis users, it seems the mainstream media does not know the difference between a bong and a pipe.
At a time when the media should be working to regain our trust after eight years of ignoring its essential role as a critical and skeptical watchdog, most mainstream news outlets continue to spread misinformation and take things out of context.
Almost all of the news headlines on the Phelps photo have referred to him holding a marijuana pipe.
Now, in the context of a head shop, where the owner is legally operating his business under the pretense that his goods are for tobacco use and calling something a “bong” could get him in trouble, that thing in Phelps’ hands is called a pipe.
Under aaaaany other context, that’s a bong.
As for a water pipe, well, that’s something that runs under your house.

Man Smokes Pot, Cereal Disappears
The other amazing development in this story is the news that, of all Phelps’ sponsors, only Kellog’s cereal company will be severing ties with him as a result of the photo.
The cereal company is dropping him because he smoked pot.
This is basically like a peanut butter sponsor dropping someone because they were caught holding jelly or a surfboard sponsor dropping someone for using sunscreen.
We’re going to break this down for the folks at Kellog’s, who are obviously too high to understand it: People eat cereal because they are hungry and lazy. Pot makes a lot of people hungry and lazy.
Put it together.